Training Day

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Last night we were pretty exhausted, of course. We ordered pizza and were all in bed before 10:00. Once my mom, Sharon and I had assembled at the kitchen table this morning we discussed what we had to do before the hospice team arrived at noon. Showers were highest on the list of priority. I was able to fill a prescription and run to the store. My mom was finally able to talk to her best friend, Carol, which provided her first real chance for catharsis. Little did we realize the utter conga line of caregivers that was about to descend upon us.

The hospice director (a former student of my dad), the primary nurse that will be assigned, two nurses’ assistants, Tami, two neighbors (one with home-baked bread and fresh flowers) and the equipment manager *cha, cha cha*. The minute we sat down after that my mom said she wasn’t sure we could stand the peace & quite and Tami returned from the store and the equipment manager returned with a baby monitor we requested.

Truly, the people I have met over the last 36 hours of my life have been some of the best I have met in the previous 40 years. This sounds like hyperbole. It is not. They are competent, efficient and do their jobs - even if it is "friend" or "neighbor" - with a willingness... strike that... with a joy that can only be experienced. Thank God for all of them!

The question we are asked most often is, "how long?" We wish we could answer that. A day? A week? A month? Anyone who knows Roy Tipton well knows that he is not in a state that he would wish to persist long and that is the only measure we have. He does experience some pain on occasion.  We have pharmaceuticals for that with a fairly liberal mandate for their use. We don’t want to suppress any lucidity he is likely to display from this point on but those moments seem like they will be fewer and fewer from this point on. But we really don’t know that, either. It just feels so.

My mom is anxious, and has said as much, about being able to do what is necessary for him. I suppose anyone not trained for it would be. There has been a lot to absorb in a short amount of time on top of the emotional experience. There are many, many people to call for support but she has a lot ahead of her no matter how many of us there are, no matter how long this process is to take. She is overwhelmed but holding up well. I doubt it will get easy for her but she will get a routine and that is her refuge.

As Sharon leaves for home I will stay on for at least another day hopefully to help my mom settle in to that routine. We will just have to see how "day two" goes when it arrives.